wandering whiles

wrote you a strange message a few nights ago. There was too much tumble in my mind and it had to escape through some avenue and so the fingers got it, tapping away thoughts that fall together with only a blood bond of being born from the same twinkling in these eyes stringing them together, other than that not much cohesion. you can't pick em every time. still, interesting to look at them now, lined up in a row and waiting for judgment, a kiss or the switch, and ready to be filed away in another layer of these musings and self reachings. I didn't quit my internship. I renegotiated some of the expectations but didn't quit. I had a cup of coffee instead of cutting off my hair and later sitting on the porch with a glass of wine I watched the real bees bumbling about and thought that perhaps not yet should I ink that onto my body... sigh. it is so strange to living inside my head, a million times a day I hear a voice say, "aaaand behind door number 3!:..." and who knows what we'll find.

I found a sweet sunday morning behind my front door a few hours ago. There is something more than real about waking up within the goodfreshcleansoftcrisp wrapper of morning air and new cotton sheets. I can smell the lilacs outside from my bed. I baked some pumpkin spice muffins and sat on the patio with my coffee listening to the neighborhood as it negotiated between sleep and wakefulness. i've been living solo for the past week and a half because Em is in Europe with her lover. It has been deeply satisfying to realize that I'm actually very good at living alone - a domestic hermit, princess with the keys to my own tower, a room to room nomad - it's a pretty wonderful thing to know after feeling so out of my element living alone in the crakden I was holed up in last year. this is a house of a different color all together.

anyway, thought I would say hello with calmer words than the last installment. all is well and good, really. miss you at the strangest moments. miss door county at the most obvious moments. hope the day is treating you well.